When Did You Decide You Have to be an Actress?

I just watched Django: Unchained. Man! It was everything I needed as a movie enthusiast, an actress, and an African American. Everything speaks to people in a different way, and the people that I went to watch the movie with did not seem to be as touched as me. But tonight I was reminded why I want to be an actress.

At some point in every actor's career they are asked "When did you decide you have to be an actress?", and they all have their story. Maybe, it was a play that made them laugh, or the way they felt when they played a certain character, or maybe it was the fact they got to enter a make believe world. Whatever the reason being, they have one. For the last three years I would tell people I knew I wanted to be an actress because of the way it made me feel. I remember acting out a scene in college, and for a few moments it did not feel like acting, I was no longer Lexsi... I was Sarah; I was the character. While I was Sarah, I thought like Sarah, talked like Sarah, and truly believed I was Sarah. It felt amazing being able to escape from my world, and see the world the way that someone else does. It made me understand people in a different way. I love how connected acting made me feel to my world. It felt amazing, but tonight, Django made me realize why I really wanted to be an actor. Yes, I love how it makes me feel, it is a great escape, but I fell in love with acting because of how it can make others feel!

Many of you may or may not know much about Quentin Tarantino's style of directing. It's a little quirky, and he can often make a quite serious situation have some sort of humor. It was perfect, and needed for how serious of a story line Django was. Despite the humor, there were moments that no laughter could be found. There were moments when the true ugliness of humanity was shown, and there were moments when I felt real anger and sadness. When I watch a movie I do not watch it as a spectator, I watch it like I was there, and I put myself in that world. And the world of Django is quite ugly. I do not want to spoil the movie for anyone so I will not get into too many details, but Django (the character) stood for so much hope, in the other blacks eyes, and when he made them proud, he made me proud. It made slavery truly real for me for the first time in my life. I have read about slavery and I have tried to imagine it, but I feel like I never really could. Quentin made it real for me. He found a way to make me understand. I have been called a nigger, and I have experienced racism, but I am so far removed from slavery (and my mother is white), so I can honestly say I did not appreciate my freedom. Deep down I do, but it has never been questioned. I have never had to fear that it would be gone, and I never truly understood how terrible it was to be a slave. I know that I will never ever be able to fully understand how slaves felt, but for that two hours and forty-five minutes of that movie I was connected. I was reminded how fortunate I am, I was motivated to be better, and I was changed.

My favorite moments, and the times when I was most touched, came when the actors gave the most settle gestures. The smirk Keri Washington gave when she heard "It's me baby", or the tear that began to form as one of the slaves saw Django ride off. There was so much behind the littlest gesture. And it was in this story and those little gestures that I was reminded why I have to be an actress. I want to change people, I want to motivate people, I want to make people think. Thank you to everyone involved in that film. Now, when I am asked. "When did you decide you have to be an actress?" I will answer without hesitation, "It was the first time that I saw Django: Unchained".